On Second Thought…

I’m going to quit a job.

Even saying this out loud terrifies me. Who am I to voluntarily give up earning money? By what right am I able to tell an organization that is paying me that I don’t want to work with them anymore?

Here’s what happened.

Way back in December – the last week of the month – I was sitting on my couch and (once again) looking at jobs posted online. My unemployment had stopped a week or so back, and I was staring at the New Year. My entire thought process was “what the f*** am I going to do now?” and “how the hell do I survive this?”. My job search had been brutal, the disappointments piling up, and I felt like there was no way on earth this would ever turn around.

I saw the ad.

It was for a weekend manager at a small art center about 45 minutes from my apartment. I loved the town it was located in, loved the artist whose work was represented, and needed to work. Despite the stated hourly wage that was just barely above minimum and with absolutely nothing to lose, I applied.

After an initial interview that went very well, references were checked, and a second conversation was had. The executive director had concerns that I would be bored, but I convinced her that I would love the work, happy to give up my weekends, and understanding that if I really needed to I could ask for a day off.  I even negotiated an additional hour each weekend so that my take home would come slightly closer to covering most of my health insurance. We made a deal. I was hired.

And, now I’m going to resign.

There are many reasons why I’m doing this, some more significant than others. But, ultimately, the decision is the right one. Why? Because I stayed in two other jobs that became the wrong fit and found myself starting over again. I stayed at those two dances far too long, negotiating my unhappiness, and trying to survive. I put myself behind the 8 ball, didn’t trust myself enough and was too frightened to embrace the unknown. However, now that I live in the unknown, what’s stopping me?

It will be the first time that I’m doing this, and while I hate the idea of disappointing someone else and making someone else’s life harder, this is such an important step for me to take. While I do believe that you sometimes have to say “no” to make room for “yes” and that in most cases the hard thing to do is the right thing to do, more importantly, part of job hunting is knowing when to take a step back and trust your gut.

Wish me luck.

 

 

 

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